| Current location: | Home. |
| Current mood: | tense |
Getting this off my chest
Maybe it's just because it's an election year, a few of us just need vacation time or people just need new jobs altogether, but I feel like people haven't been in very good moods lately and it's been directed at me at times.
Lately, I've felt like I've asked some really dumb questions while doing my job. I guess it's good I'm asking questions, but I feel like I should know or once knew the answers to those questions.
Add in the fact I've been sitting in the far left corner of my department for a month, and I've got this feeling that a couple of my co-workers think I'm lazy or think I'm snobby because I'm not sitting near them. I don't know if they really think that. It's not justified, because I think I do just as much work sitting in the corner when I sit anywhere else. But normally, whenever people sit in that seat, it's because they don't want to do anything. I sit there because the two seats I like are taken when I arrive at work each day. I sat somewhere else on Saturday, but that's because no one else was around to take the workspace that I like. And no one will realize I didn't sit in the corner because they weren't there doing OT like me.
Anyway, I have no clue if people really are thinking like this, but the facts remain: I'm worried I've gotten a little dumber, and I'm worried other employees think I'm a lazy bum. These are my peers that help fill out my performance review. I also don't want to be the object of negativity when it shouldn't be there.
There are times when I think I'm making up these thoughts out of nothing. I've come to realize I feed off Bryan's emotions and energy. That happened to a degree when I was dating John. It's as if I want to transfer his stress over to me so he feels better. I wonder if I'm just worried about Bryan because of all the hours he's putting in his job (more than 60 hours a week, 6 days a week), and it somehow is leading me to be paranoid, semi-cranky and stupid all at once.
At the end of the day, I'm happy I have a job that allows me to have really good hours from time to time, and I'm grateful of its other benefits. I'm also thankful I own a home and that I surround myself with a good roommate, dog, boyfriend and family.
It just sucks feeling like your stomach is in knots while things are probably just fine but not how you want them to be.
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jillmart) wrote,
